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LOSER FACE

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..after the thrill is gone.. [26 Feb 2014|09:36pm]
People say that time heals everything. I don't know how much time they're referring to, but sometimes...it feels like years have passed-and the hurt is still the same.

We find ourselves going about our day, telling ourselves that you're just in the other room. Sleeping, playing, harassing your brothers etc...but once we realize the cold hard fact that you've indeed gone onto a "better" place, the emptiness we feel is down right sickening. You're pictures help...they help to remind us of just how precious the gift of "you" was. That kool-aid smile. That "trouble makin" look in your eye. That pink nose. That beautiful little face. All the love you gave. All of it lives on in your pictures, and in our memory.

It's not enough.

I need more than a memory. I dont care how long it's been since you've been here. I'll always want more. We want more time with you. It's just not fair. I'll never consider it "fair". I know we did the right thing for you...but I still ask myself if it was the right decision. I know you couldn't breath, but what IF your condition went from good to bad so fast because of that little spill you took off the counter?

WHAT IF.

FUCK YOU "WHAT IF"!

The day we got your ashes back, I thought I was going to be ok. I thought that once we had you back in our house, in any form, would be a way to further heal. I was wrong. I cried on our way to get you. I cried once we had you. I cried when we brought you in the house and put you in your spot. I cry when I look at the box. I just can't help it. You should be at home, with your family...not in a box...but there. In our house. Running a muck like you loved to do. Haven't been able to bring ourselves to take you outta the box that's holding a little heart with your ashes inside. I feel like we have to keep you there, to keep you safe.

We miss you, Gooey. Words can't even describe it.

I sleep with your blanket, every night. Tucked in next to my belly, where you used to cuddle up to me. It's not the same...but when I sleep with it, I can picture you kneading on it, and purrin that cute lil purr. Ohh, fat man doo...I miss you. I love you always, my little guy.

Come see me, soon.

<3 </3
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The Worst Day... [19 Jan 2014|05:58pm]
We lost you on Wednesday, January 15th 2014. You made it 15 days into the New Year.

Ohhh, Gooey...you left such an imprint on our lives, and you're sorely missed. Our hearts are very heavy from your absence. With each day, I think we heal a little more...but once we get into our typical routine I'm reminded of how hurt I am all over again.

One minute I'm smiling because of the memories you left us, and then the next I'm bawling my eyes out because you're not here to make anymore with us. We come home, and the window is empty. You're little blanket is still there, I dont think I'll ever remove it from the window. You know Boo, he's so clumsy that he knocks it down every time he jumps up into the window. We wake up in the morning and have to get used to not seeing you're precious little face light up once you hear that we've come down the stairs. Oh, man...dont even get me started when it comes to feeding your brothers wet food. Your dish is clean, and it sits on the counter. Every time we go into the kitchen now, we're saddened by the fact that you're no longer up on the counter in 2.3 seconds-tail in the air, purring.

I'm going thru some tough emotions...one minute I'm mad at myself because I feel like we didn't give you enough chances to beat this disease that you developed. I'm sad because what if you only needed ONE more chest tap to be on the road to recovery? I'm hurt because everytime I think about that last night and morning with you all I picture is your head hung low, while you were sitting in the closet. You started losing weight, and you're appetite wasn't as gnarly as it used to be. One thing that stayed true thru the whole experience was your love for your humans. I'll cherish that forever, Gooey. Even tho you were in pain, and were obviously uncomfortable...you still showed us SO MUCH LOVE. You still trucked up and down the stairs with us when we did. You still showed your little brother all the love. You even tried to eat the food we gave you, even tho you probably didn't feel like eating. You were having trouble breathing because your little lungs were 90% filled with fluid...we promised you that we weren't going to put you thru anymore chest taps, or vet visits.

That last day, ur ma and I decided that if the vet didn't see any improvement on your condition that we'd make the most heart wrenching decision of our lives thus far...and unfortunately for us-that's what it came down to. I can't get the image of you on that table out of my head. I hate that they gave you the tranquilizer before letting us see you for the last time. We didn't get to have that last "Goo-man" experience that we always got from you...and, to be honest, I think you were so doped up that you didn't even know we were there with you. We couldn't bare staying in that room when it came time for you to have that final shot, tho. Part of me is hurt by that thought too...we left you at 12:15.

I sleep with your blanket every night, but it's just not the same. I miss being able to smother that adorable little face with kisses, I miss petting you, I miss interacting with you, I miss your open-door policy, I miss your hustle, I miss seeing your face in the window every time we left the house and every time we came back home, I miss having you wake me up in the middle of the night with your little whiskers because you wanted to cuddle up next to me under the blankets. I miss looking up the stairs and seeing your sleepy little face looking back down at me. I miss looking in all ur beddys and seeing you snoozing away. I miss you're litte cat call you used to do when a little fly or bug would land on the window. I miss watching you entice your little brother so he'd play with you. I miss catching you grooming Nico. I just miss you. Our house is definitely feeling empty without you.

I found one of your whiskers...in the carpet. It even stayed there after I vacuumed. I picked it up and put it on the side of a picture I've been carrying around. It's the picture of you smiling :) I take it upstairs with me when it's bed time, and I bring it back down with me every morning. I hate that the only way we get to see you now is in videos or pictures. We get your ashes back, soon. This week, actually. I'd like to think that having your ashes home will help with the healing process, but who knows. The only physical thing we have left of you is that one whisker. I can't even believe that I'm forced to read your name now with an R.I.P. in front of it. Putting you to sleep was the LAST thing we expected to do...it was the worse case scenario in this whole situation. N that's what it came down to.

I get sick to my stomach when I look around the house and realize that I'll never see your face again. I'll never see ur little bald ankles walking away. I'll never be able to catch you looking at me from the counter. I'll never see ur sweet little face again.

You touched many hearts in your short time in this world. A lot of ppl are missing you. You know Dirty Marge is hurt, too...I saw a picture of you two from when she was staying with us-you little ham! You looked so happy propped up on her lap. Almost made it to your 4th birthday, my guy. We'll be celebrating your life when October comes around.

I wanted to thank you again for finding your way into my dream the other night...my heart was whole again for that short moment. I swear I've heard your purr, too...I'll be sitting downstairs and out of nowhere I'll hear that distinct sounding purr. The other night I was woken up by Nico...he tickled my nose with his whiskers and my heart skipped a beat because for a second I thought it was you. Nico, as you know, has a way of looking like you...ma thinks it's fate that brought him into our lives now. She thinks it was fate that had him come in a couple years before you left us. I'd like to think that, too...seeing as you taught him some Mayhem Traits.

I'm thankful that you let a little bit of yourself rub off on Nico, because it's him doing those things that make me smile and remember you and your quarky ways. Can you believe it...this afternoon when I got in the shower I saw a little dark figure on the toilet, investigating the shower doors. I even opened one door a little and he stuck his head in. You know how much of a little scaredy cat he is! I like to believe that when he goes outta his comfort level it's because you're there telling him to do it for his humans.

Ohhh, Gooey...I'll miss you for the rest of my life. I will love you all ways, for all days, always. I miss you, to the moon and back. I can't wait until the day comes when we meet again. Until then, I hope you're somewhere...sun-bathing in a window. Bird watching. Eating all the treats your little heart desires. Waiting for the day that your humans come home to you. R.I.P. my Guy.

del1
del3
Mayhem 2011-2014
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you & i will be a tough act to follow [10 Dec 2009|11:20am]
[ mood | in love ]

.i am so in love with you.
..i love that such an amazing girl loves me..
...when she slammed one door shut another one opened, and it led me to you...


...thru thick and thin...i love you...

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i ♥ Family Guy [06 Oct 2009|09:03pm]
[ mood | out of it ]


A Bag Of Weed - More amazing videos are a click away

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make it all better when i'm feelin sad. tell me that i'm special when i know im not =) [05 Aug 2009|08:37pm]
[ mood | hopeful ]

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you make it easier when life gets hard ♥ [05 Aug 2009|08:34pm]
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all i need...♥ [05 Aug 2009|08:30pm]
[ mood | loved ]

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you'll dig it, i'm sure...cause you're crazee like meee [04 Aug 2009|09:24pm]
[ mood | drunk ]

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...yet another great... [04 Aug 2009|03:55pm]
[ mood | musical ]

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you're the reason that this light shines so bright, i love you darlin til the day that i die [04 Aug 2009|03:41pm]
[ mood | happy ]




...awesome song, awesome band...SNATCHES!

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Sorry to bother you guys with this but i'm in a rutt AGAIN! [16 Jun 2009|12:01am]
[ mood | confused ]

Here's the scoop...I'm sitting here having a great day with Vienna, watching movies and such....then she suggests watching this movie Lost Boys. I tell her I'm not interested in watching that movie, and to find another one...she suggests it again and again and again. and again i tell her NO...maybe tomorow. We finish our movie and I go to the bathroom...come back and what's she doing? Forcing me to watch this movie again...so I start to get mad and tell her "i told you i dont want to watch that fucking movie and what do you do? you put it on...what the fuck?" and then she throws a fit and turns off the computer and starts telling me that i talk to her like she's a piece of shit yadda yadda yadda...not realizing that she didn't respect the fact that I DIDN'T CARE TO WATCH THIS STUPID MOVIE. Now something as silly as a movie escalated into this big ordeal. She ends our "argument" with, "i think you should find another place to live cause this isn't working out, I'm tired of doing this with you. Everyday it's someting else"...



I just got finished wasting over 10 minutes of my time trying to get her to TALK to me, and realize that this isn't what she really wants. After about 15 minutes of telling her to give me a little time to change, things will improve...she still tells me that she wants me gone. I ask her again..."from the bottom of your heart, is this what you really want? you want me to leave? you want to end this now?" and she says YES. So then i get up and say that I have to start looking for somewhere to go and turn on the computer.



she then says some comment around the lines of, "judging on how fast you walked away lets me know that you dont care at all."



i try and tell her that if i didn't care i wouldn't of sat there trying to talk this whole thing over...she doesnt get it.

she still insists that i dont care...cause if i did i wouldn't of walked away so fast. Nice to know that 15 minutes is fast to her.


I dont get her...she wants to point out all the negatives in me, but refuses to admit her own. She was getting irritated because i wouldn't leave her alone and let her go to bed...because i was trying to talk to her. Then when i walk away i'm the bad guy, AGAIN?



so now i'm stuck...i told her over and over again that i didn't want to move away from the valley because of what happened between me and jenn, and she assured me that it wouldn't happen "even if we break up, i wouldn't do to you what jenn did. I'd still help you out...not just leave you high and dry" she said. So i took ANOTHER chance and left my hometown. Just to land in the same position. I hate this shit, i hate not having a steady place to lay my head at night. I'm tired of having nobody to turn to for help. And i'm tired of having so much faith in "love" and what it can do for people that i decide to give up everything and follow "her" wherever she may go. I try and make the right decision, take a chance, and this is where it gets me. Further from home and with nothing. And with nobody.

Horray for chances, huh?
Horray for people who point out everything negative in other people and push them away until they ACTUALLY walk away, and then decide it's the OTHER person who is "giving up".


and as she goes to sleep, closing yet another chapter in our disfunctional relationship without coming to some kind of conclusion, i sit here in the dark wondering where to go from here.


I really dont know what to do anymore.

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sumo wear [19 Aug 2008|04:48am]
[ mood | loved ]

i have a gf.

im stoked...but worried at the same time. Maybe not worried, maybe the word im lookin for is paranoid.

i dont want my karma coming back to me through her...n i dont want to be her karma either.

im love chillen with her...

went to da hippy n jewkies lil shindig for brandon n garren on saturday. My gf came along...it was cute of her.

i hope chelle didnt feel awkward...i knw da hippy likes my gf...n i hope chelle will like her too.

i like my gf so chelle should knw my gf must be the shit.

went to vegas lasnight...dillon decided at like 10 that he wanted to bust that mission...so off we were.

it was fun...my first time driving there...and the ppl i went with are awesome. I just wish my head didnt hurt...n i wish i didnt feel pukey. But other than that...good times.

cept the hot ass, quiet ride home. Too hott...n i was pretty much left entertaining myself.

shes addicted to her phone. =)

time to finish my damn jack daniels n coke.

ppeeaaccee n sexxx

i wanna sexxx her up...

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whats wrong with kicken it when ur bored and lit? [05 Jun 2008|05:30pm]
[ mood | high ]

got fucken WASTED lastnight, again. secretly, i dig it though.

i smashed the shit outta my knee on some rocks lastnight at this random beach that we ended up at. vienna came through with that captain morgans-right on. and eventually we ended up with a case of budlight, but i dont think people got into that mix too much. me and vienna musta been thirsty or something. haha.

i've been rockin my red ass hair since yesterday but i always end up with my hat on. today i had to put my hat on because i'm wearing a bright green shirt and lets face it-with red ass hair it doesn't look right.

kicken it tonight, lookin forward to it. i haven't had coronas in a minute-so lets see what happens. i dont think i'm gonna be getting too crazy, my knee wont allow it.

im listening to songs by unwritten laws first cd...and i must say-i miss that CD.

time to go, i'll have to post abouut these awesome songss later...

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♥ doesn't matter wat they said, cause we were good in bed... [30 May 2008|03:15pm]
[ mood | flirty ]

i totally like her...


but my secret is:





i've known this for some time now...


i'm totally crushing like a little fucken 2nd grader, but i like it because its different. i haven't had any girl make me feel as giddy as this since elementary school-and now that i do have this "crush" thing going on i think its totally cute.

but

i got shut down lastnight. haha...bad timing.
but i got what i wanted in my dream. even the butterfly feeling felt SO REAL.

outta control...she's my kryptonite. definitly.







i'm stoked...and she totally knows what i think about her but i'm not sure if giving someone that kinda power is a good thing. =) might be, but who knows.

*shes got me just screwed up, off of her melody...FOR SURE*

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do you wanna eat, do you wanna sleep, do you wanna drown?! [24 May 2008|12:13pm]
[ mood | drained ]

this song makes me wanna bounce...so i am. right along to the beat.



*is something wrong with me, something wrong with you?! i really wish i knew wish i knew wish i knewwwww*

okay...

so i had a FUCKEN BLAST LASTNIGHT. i went and bought 2 12 packs of that nati ice...vienna came through with that bottle of captain morgans. needless to say after we got some coke to go with it-that shit was gone in a half an hour. me, eileen, vienna, and mary just stuck to the coke bottle like it was our life line. haha. we were supposed to go get some budski and then come back to my house but we ended up migrating to simi valley...where we were stuck til about 4 in the morning.



i feel bad about not being able to see *her* AGAIN...but i drunkenly rambled on the phone to her for...who knows how long. to me it only felt like a couple minutes, but recently when i've gotten drunk my perception of time is WAY off. haha.



i just have to say that i came home to the CUTEST fucken message i've ever gotten in my life. i reread it today, and its still sooo cute. it's making me think about her already...so you can only imagine that i'm anxious for her to make her way onto myspace.



haha, i drunkenly called her at like 430 in the morning, too...drunk people, i swear. i love them. haha.



why were wet willys and flying birds the life of the party lastnight? haha. i love flying birds...for reals. even the tangled messes you get into after everyones jumped in...but i love them.



me, vienna, and eileen had to bust a mission to get jerica some vodka...that was A MISSION. just imagine three drunken people lookin blown as fuck wobbling through ralphs. we get to the cashier and decide vienna and eileen should let some other girl go in front of them (but behind me) so it didn't look like i was buying the alcohol for them. but i was soooo wsated that i felt the need to wear viennas HUGE ASS glasses...as if that didnt look obvious. haha...those glasses. HUGENESS and on my drunken ass-dude probably knew that i was wasted. then jerica was a couple bucks short-and paley hadn't given me my change yet..so i was like, "how come when i buy alcohol for someone i'm ALWAYS short..." so the girl who was next in line told me she'd handle it for me...THANKS RANDOM CHICK! that was tight..well, it was nice.



got back to Eileens finally and jerica made it known that i HAD to take shots with her and Eileen in the kitchen...so off i went. i'm just glad they had kool-aid to chase that shit...last time i drank raspberry vodka i chugged it and it's not been nice to me since...but lastnight it was all good. but trust that was the first and last shot of that vodka that i took lastnight.

it was a big ol shot too!

thought i was gonna be sleepin at Eileens...made a bed an all...i was even laying down already-TRYING to go to sleep. i think we were laying down for a good while before paley came in and said that Alex was gonna give us a ride home...so that was cool.



WET WILLY...i swear ur ears probably have never felt cleaner dude...ur welcome. haha.



*but shorty i'mma hit it, hit like i cant miss*

today i'm pretty sure i can find more random bruises on me from the random ass punches everyone was throwing at everyone lastnight. mary was the only one who wasn't gettin punched-and that's because she MANNED UP AND GOT DRUNK. she hasn't put it down since i've been here-and vienna didn't even have to ask mary to drink she just handed the bottle of captain n coke to her and mary chugged that shit.



ouch dude...if i rub the top of my legs i can totally feel those bruises. haha. oh boy. these drunken adventures of ours-I LOVE THEM...

last friday was off the hook, and this friday was no different.


i agree with eileen-every friday should be fucken off the hook like that.



*sexxxy can i?*

::waiting for face indication::

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aint no stoppin, i'm still poppin... [19 May 2008|02:40pm]
[ mood | bouncy ]

BOM BOM BOM BOMMMMMMM

...while hanging up my clothes i found a couple things in the pocket of my dickies. chapstick, two dollars, and a lighter. i wonder what i'd find if i were to check all my pants...before i left oregon i did all my laundry and inside the pocket of those same dickies i found an old "love note" from YOU KNOW WHO. glad that shit got destroyed by the washer, because even the little notes i'm finding in my "piece book" fucken suck.



maybe that's what i'll do for a little bit today...go through and rip all those little lovey dovey notes outta everything. eileen handled one for me-n now its time to finish the job.



i hate that my face is dry...because that means i have to put lotion on it-and putting anything on my face makes me feel like i'm clogging my pores haha.



*i have a thing about that kinda stuff*

just like i can't STAND my nails being dirty...fuck no. or my tattoos being ashy..NO NO NO...

anything i wanna get out of, like hugs sharing drinks ANYTHING...i just say, "nah, i can't....i have a "thing" about that kinda stuff" and TADAA! it works.



like a charm.



except, i really do have a "thing". i am not some weirdo about germs, i dont have OCD...just something in the middle. haha.



i wanna change my default pik...but dont have a clue as to what pik i wanna put up...

a lil help?

kay, i think i'm gonna frollick on over to my room and finish watching my movie...and then...?

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...chop me up... [29 Apr 2008|04:40pm]
[ mood | high ]




for some reason this song makes me think about someone...haha, it's tight too, right?

this song's hella alright in my book. it took me a minute to find a damn video that wasn't a bunch of clips that featured him in some kinda shirtless pose. haha. i wanted to find one with the lyrics...cause it's the lyrics i like, well...beats kool too. the whole fucken songs tight.

but yeah it reminds me of this gurl...no names, no hints...just *this gurl*.

spilt water on my lap trying to give the dogs a drink! yes, that's how things just work for me. and then dorothy wanted to take a picture of me in front of the ocean, but the water spillage shit...haha. would've made for a good picture.

it was windy too, so i was a little chilled. breezy.

well, enjoy the song.

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420 tomorrow, and i have no dank... [19 Apr 2008|09:32pm]
[ mood | high ]

well, here's the scoop:

can't go to cali til fucken may 3rd...probably not even then. i'm just guess that's when we'll go, but i think i should officially STOP assuming when we can begin out mission to cali because everytime i do-it gets posponed for fucken days on end.

uhm...got in touch with an old friend, who's been on my myspace about as long as me and jenn lived together in moses lake. that's two years, guys...wtf. i know.

today she sent me and email saying that she heard i'm comin back to the 818

and that's when it hit me...

but the funny shit is...like, she asked us to be her friend when me and jenn like first moved to moses or some shit...me and jenn looked at her piks and couldn't figure out who she was so we figured she probably saw us in a bar or something in moses lake...so we added her and asked no questions.

recently she's been leaving comments saying hi and what not...tonight she send me that email and when i put all the pieces together i fucken tripped out. like wtf, how come i didn't notice that shit BEFORE?! i dont know, shits crazy...

she wants to roll out with me to some clubs when i hit up CALI...i'm fucken down.

i've got so many *dates* dude, lol...i dont know, i can't wait though.
i get to kick it with PALEY AGAIN! oh man, i need one of his *paley* hugs...i miss my cousin...he used to be my best friend man, and i cant wait to get that back.

i dont know, we both came to the conclusion we were better people back when we hung out everyday...like, we've become these people that are still down as fuck...just...i dont know-different. it's hard to explain, and people probably wont notice the difference...but we do man. it'll be good to be able to go to my cousins room and just talk about all the shit buggin me. only this time we can crack open an ice cold 40 and fucken dust a danky bowl or that bomb ass cali chronic.

yes

went out to dinner tonight, felt like a piece of meat-for the second time today.

on the way home we start the car and The Pussycat Dolls old song "Dont Cha" was on...my grandma turns the radio up, says she loves that song and starts singing along to the chorus dudes...yeah...like it's one thing for them to like that song, it's a good song, but it's another thing when they actually know the lyrics and shit...it is the CUTEST THING. fucken dorothy, i swear.

we go to starbucks today...get back to the car, open the door and smoke just barrrels outta the car-gpas sitting in there listening to paramore, gettin stoned.

haha, yes...tight i know.

anyway, i forgot to mention how the Rhiana song "Please Dont Stop The Music" came on when we were pulling into the resort shit my gprents live on and my gma turns the radio up louder and says, "gosh, it figures right when we get home they play a good song"

haha...man, i swear...and to think-this whole time i thought they were being nice and kept that station on for me. dope...that's all i have to say...

OH! I'M TOTALLY STOKED! GUESS WHY!
*i've descovered the ONE spot in this whole TOWN where my phone gets service*

my bathroom...haha. i was in there token it up and my phone chirped letting me know i had service...i was like-WHAT THE FUCK! THATS TIGHT!

of course i wish i could've figured that out two fucken weeks ago...haha. this whole time i've had a place to get my phone activated and shit like that and i just happen to stumble on that shit TONIGHT?

damn.

anyway...i'm starting to think that i think someones a fucken cutey...

...yeah, my minds made up...i do...

bi

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they killed killa, B! [16 Apr 2008|04:15pm]
[ mood | bored ]

...haha, the greatest shit...

lastnight i got fucken BAKED like nasty, and watched Half Baked with my grandparents.

seeing as though my grandpa is a stoner, i thought he'd like the movie more than my grandma...turns out i was wrong!
grandma liked it a lot, dude...she was fucken laughin like crazy...grandpa on the other hand-not so much.

he even tried going to bed early...haha, oh well...better luck next time.

this morning i wake up to the damn TV blasting from the livingroom. every morning it's either the dogs barking away, grandma yellin at grandpa about his weed being everywhere, or the damn television.
*i need some ear plugs, seriously...*

haha, the kinda ear plugs that keep sound out. i realized that can be taken two ways...plugs you use to gage ur ears, and plugs you use to keep the annoying out.

very nice

*i made the mistake of asking for the JenaBean at a different STARBUCKS today, and it came out hella chocolately...not even a hint of vanilla bean. i dont know, perhaps we'll just have to go to Florence everyday for Starbucks*

i definitly dont mind...

hmm...what else, what else...?

i guess nothing...i'll probably think of all kinds of junk to write about while i'm chillen watching tv shows that my grandparents are into...

yumm...got some coke n rum for tonight. i have the bottle of captain morgans chillen in the freezer...it's probably nice n frosty now...

AHH! IT'S 420!!! ah, fuck...nevermind, it's 421 now

i think i'll make me a drink, and then smoke a fatty...

*everyone loves a fatty*

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java chips...and vanilla bean [15 Apr 2008|04:41pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

all i have to say is:
ICE CREAM IS STILL THE SHIT!

okay so onto todays events...
nothing to spectacular except my grandma got her ultra sound done. too bad we wont know anything for another 5 god-damned days!

and with something as serious as CANCER you'd think they wouldn't make you wait around for weeks before they even decide to act on anything.

soooo...
judging on the outcome of this "ultra sound", we might or we might NOT be headed to Cali within the next 5 or 6 days. I feel selfish for saying THAT SUCKS cause you know i dont want my grandma to have boob cancer AGAIN. but honestly this DOES suck...because the sooner i get to Cali the sooner i can put HER behind me.

as much as it's gonna kill to leave her and "us" behind i have to. i've come to the conclusion that she really WAS MY EVERYTHING. and letting go of EVERYTHING sucks.

everynight i go to sleep i go over all my regrets...over and over again. and that's not healthy because i should have NO REGRETS. i didn't do anything wrong, i didn't.

but i do regret not kissing her more, hugging her more, telling her that i love her MORE AND MORE. waking up next to her everyday for the past 4 years (and then some, because before we got together we were sharing the same bed-partiers i swear!) is something i took advantage of. i should've woken up and rolled over to hug her and cuddle with her for an hour instead of just laying NEXT to her talking about our dreams from the night before.

i asked chelle if she's talked to HER and she told me that jenn called her an hour before i asked. i asked if she was okay...and chelle said that she was doing good but she sounded sad. now, i'd love to think that she's sad cause she misses me...but something tells me that's not the case. and that kills.

cuz if you see me "down in the dumps" it's because i miss her...and it's a fucked up feeling to have when you think that you're the only one experiencing that feeling out of the both of you.

no shit, i was reading this gossip newspaper and the horoscopes for me and jenn were...right on.

mine was talking about hearing songs on the radio...it said I should LISTEN to what the songs are talking about because it's "fate" trying to tell me something. it's trying to tell me that everythings going to be OK.

*weird too, cause i've been hearing the same 5 songs EVERYDAY EVERY MINUTE*

hers said something about her and a partner severing ties this month, and to go ahead and let out the tears because things will only get easier as time passes. and even though it hurts, it will be OK.

i dont know man...sucks. i never saw this coming. at least not this soon.

i feel absolutely alone...

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