LOSER FACE (linkinpark0o0) wrote,

The Worst Day...

We lost you on Wednesday, January 15th 2014. You made it 15 days into the New Year.

Ohhh, Gooey...you left such an imprint on our lives, and you're sorely missed. Our hearts are very heavy from your absence. With each day, I think we heal a little more...but once we get into our typical routine I'm reminded of how hurt I am all over again.

One minute I'm smiling because of the memories you left us, and then the next I'm bawling my eyes out because you're not here to make anymore with us. We come home, and the window is empty. You're little blanket is still there, I dont think I'll ever remove it from the window. You know Boo, he's so clumsy that he knocks it down every time he jumps up into the window. We wake up in the morning and have to get used to not seeing you're precious little face light up once you hear that we've come down the stairs. Oh, man...dont even get me started when it comes to feeding your brothers wet food. Your dish is clean, and it sits on the counter. Every time we go into the kitchen now, we're saddened by the fact that you're no longer up on the counter in 2.3 seconds-tail in the air, purring.

I'm going thru some tough emotions...one minute I'm mad at myself because I feel like we didn't give you enough chances to beat this disease that you developed. I'm sad because what if you only needed ONE more chest tap to be on the road to recovery? I'm hurt because everytime I think about that last night and morning with you all I picture is your head hung low, while you were sitting in the closet. You started losing weight, and you're appetite wasn't as gnarly as it used to be. One thing that stayed true thru the whole experience was your love for your humans. I'll cherish that forever, Gooey. Even tho you were in pain, and were obviously uncomfortable...you still showed us SO MUCH LOVE. You still trucked up and down the stairs with us when we did. You still showed your little brother all the love. You even tried to eat the food we gave you, even tho you probably didn't feel like eating. You were having trouble breathing because your little lungs were 90% filled with fluid...we promised you that we weren't going to put you thru anymore chest taps, or vet visits.

That last day, ur ma and I decided that if the vet didn't see any improvement on your condition that we'd make the most heart wrenching decision of our lives thus far...and unfortunately for us-that's what it came down to. I can't get the image of you on that table out of my head. I hate that they gave you the tranquilizer before letting us see you for the last time. We didn't get to have that last "Goo-man" experience that we always got from you...and, to be honest, I think you were so doped up that you didn't even know we were there with you. We couldn't bare staying in that room when it came time for you to have that final shot, tho. Part of me is hurt by that thought too...we left you at 12:15.

I sleep with your blanket every night, but it's just not the same. I miss being able to smother that adorable little face with kisses, I miss petting you, I miss interacting with you, I miss your open-door policy, I miss your hustle, I miss seeing your face in the window every time we left the house and every time we came back home, I miss having you wake me up in the middle of the night with your little whiskers because you wanted to cuddle up next to me under the blankets. I miss looking up the stairs and seeing your sleepy little face looking back down at me. I miss looking in all ur beddys and seeing you snoozing away. I miss you're litte cat call you used to do when a little fly or bug would land on the window. I miss watching you entice your little brother so he'd play with you. I miss catching you grooming Nico. I just miss you. Our house is definitely feeling empty without you.

I found one of your whiskers...in the carpet. It even stayed there after I vacuumed. I picked it up and put it on the side of a picture I've been carrying around. It's the picture of you smiling :) I take it upstairs with me when it's bed time, and I bring it back down with me every morning. I hate that the only way we get to see you now is in videos or pictures. We get your ashes back, soon. This week, actually. I'd like to think that having your ashes home will help with the healing process, but who knows. The only physical thing we have left of you is that one whisker. I can't even believe that I'm forced to read your name now with an R.I.P. in front of it. Putting you to sleep was the LAST thing we expected to do...it was the worse case scenario in this whole situation. N that's what it came down to.

I get sick to my stomach when I look around the house and realize that I'll never see your face again. I'll never see ur little bald ankles walking away. I'll never be able to catch you looking at me from the counter. I'll never see ur sweet little face again.

You touched many hearts in your short time in this world. A lot of ppl are missing you. You know Dirty Marge is hurt, too...I saw a picture of you two from when she was staying with us-you little ham! You looked so happy propped up on her lap. Almost made it to your 4th birthday, my guy. We'll be celebrating your life when October comes around.

I wanted to thank you again for finding your way into my dream the other night...my heart was whole again for that short moment. I swear I've heard your purr, too...I'll be sitting downstairs and out of nowhere I'll hear that distinct sounding purr. The other night I was woken up by Nico...he tickled my nose with his whiskers and my heart skipped a beat because for a second I thought it was you. Nico, as you know, has a way of looking like you...ma thinks it's fate that brought him into our lives now. She thinks it was fate that had him come in a couple years before you left us. I'd like to think that, too...seeing as you taught him some Mayhem Traits.

I'm thankful that you let a little bit of yourself rub off on Nico, because it's him doing those things that make me smile and remember you and your quarky ways. Can you believe it...this afternoon when I got in the shower I saw a little dark figure on the toilet, investigating the shower doors. I even opened one door a little and he stuck his head in. You know how much of a little scaredy cat he is! I like to believe that when he goes outta his comfort level it's because you're there telling him to do it for his humans.

Ohhh, Gooey...I'll miss you for the rest of my life. I will love you all ways, for all days, always. I miss you, to the moon and back. I can't wait until the day comes when we meet again. Until then, I hope you're somewhere...sun-bathing in a window. Bird watching. Eating all the treats your little heart desires. Waiting for the day that your humans come home to you. R.I.P. my Guy.

Mayhem 2011-2014
Tags: #mayhem #restinpeace #cat #angel #imissy
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